Regional Heats by Fester Bryan

They had entered the regional heats
Reginald and Blane
The ladies offered coffee, and biscuits and hair.
The regional heats were near Hereford
A long way from the Oxfordshire Home
So, a night out to remember for the large rats.
They ventured into the nearest bar and stayed until closing.
All had vanished by half past nine
Save for Reginald and Blane
Playing away on a sticky wicket.
Reginald had the regional hots for Martha barmaid Mrs.
Blane lied and told her that R was in Prison and out on day release.
So Reginald retreated marsupial back into his pouch of many colours.
Away day next day and the sun shone on the bald spot.
The game was over in less than a speed chess.
Martha was working again in the bar from over there.
They popped in for a swift half a natters piss.
Gold dripped from their pockets as their legs froze in a cool box.
Reginald talked of the regional heats and the losing streaker.
Much ado about bugger all.
Love blossomed right there, and then, Oxfordshire in its entirety loomed up
And spat its message loud and clear across Herefordshire.
"Time for Home ! Time for Home"
You pair of rapscalious rascals !
Two men in a bow tie and boaters
Limping down the chestnut drove
Crossing the Marshmallow hedgerows
In a desperate search for Old Music Hall gags.
That they will never find.
Daisy Daisy give me your answer do
I'm crazy like a frog
For You

A Japanese Mid-Winter by Lauren Beziers

Golden bears dripping in honey

Paw Paw lick lick supper quick

Chainsaw massacre in the nursery

Dead doll carnage with the uplifted head

Staring into space just as they ever did

Just as they ever did.


Sitting in the concrete jungle

Eating the yoghurt that they said was good

Chunky fruit caught in throat choke

Projectile spitting at the lawyers

Marching in quick time steps

Staring like androids


In the poor house with the old mum

Worrying about little Jim

In bed with a cough and fever

Pale and weak and pathetic with limp hand raised

Not likely to spring in one mighty leap

With electric guitar and plectrum teeth


All these things, alien and cold

Snuffed with one firelighter and the coal,

Non smokeless, polluting warmth,

Enveloping the family in their box nest

Lying in a painterly display

In front of Tekeshi’s castle, enjoying a Japanese mid winter.

Windswept but Globally Warm by Fester Bryan

Windswept Isle
Crashing waves around
Dead fish abound
In the Holy Grail of Holy Grails
Munster and Newcastle
Hove and Bracknell
Occasional Twisters and
Globally Warm disasters
Give us 'ere a chance to bend an ear
About the weather
Glorious weather in all her glory
Naked like the wind
So that we can Shout
And Shout again
We love the changeble weather
And we quite like the weather girl
Who delivers the news in a comical stance
With hands that lead us to her invisible page
Of Typhoons and Hurricanes
Edna and Brian
Smashing small huts in far off lands
While we stand
On our cliff edge
And cry
Hello Weather
Give us your worst you evil doer
Because we forget the peircing sun and cancer rays
Of youthful summer
When the rocks are even placid
And swimming is a delight
Bognor to Brighton and Blackpool
Sticks of rock and a pretty hat
Vaguely chilly evenings in the pub garden
With a hint of dew and sap rising up your shorts
Oh weather
What'll we do when you get out of hand ??