Trouble by Fester Bryan

Trouble, Double
Trouble Rubble
Hubble Space Bubble

Twice the problems I had Yesterday
My back garden wall has given way
And now as I stare into the infinite beyond
I see NOTHING
Not a thing
Its all a black shroud with pinpricks

Trouble Stubble
Trouble Dub ill
Pub'll frighten Gerbil

Oh dear, I forgot to shave for
The important meeting with the Execs
Which was ruined because our Reggae man is sick
He drank too much last night with his scared pet.

Golden Razor by Lauren Beziers

I would like to shave
The smooth skin on my chin
To make it even smoother
So I shall
And then Anya will say
"You crazy cat !"
"Shaving your smooth chin"
Looking at me with hands on hips
Expression like Minnie the Minx.

Anya wears red and black sweaters,
Cursed with a square chin,
Delighted by spiders and mice.
I cannot shave my smooth chin
With her standing there
And it seems pointless now
As pointless as it really is,
So I thank her from the bottom
Of my bottom
With a fart that clouds the air
With the Fug of my bowels
To inspire and fill her with wonderment
At the diversity of smell
In the immediate environment
All adding to life's rich compost
Charging our batteries
So that we do not beep at regular intervals
So high that no-one but the dogs can hear

I think back to my pointless need
To cut away nothing from my perfect jut
Realising that I was given a Golden Razor for Christmas
Cut oh cut away, slash and burn !
Smoothy smooth
Golden Razor Smooth
Anya trumpets with her armpits
Reaching a squealing and piercing crescendo
La La La La Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
The agony of too smooth.

LB 2007